Getting back to the real You.

Complete Transcript:

It’s beautiful day, so what a great opportunity to talk about ourselves for a minute.

You may have noticed that I’m on a bit of an authenticity kick this week, and so far, you’ve had a chance to read an article from the Core Essentials Blog titled “You were born authentic, now you just have to show up”; then we’ve been discussing the one word that describes the Real You; I shared 5 ways to stay true to you; and now, what a great way to wrap things up but with a chat about how to get back to the real you.

I’m Holly Wallis, your host in the Professional Women on Purpose community, and the Founder and Lead Coach of Core Essentials Consulting. I am also a service-based business owner of over 15 years and I have become pretty familiar with having to put myself out there for my business, my clients, and my team.

I was reminded of the importance of this topic when I received a message from a business owner sharing how she didn’t feel comfortable showing up on social media as she was because she had been judged really harshly in the past, so she recently hired a stylist to create a persona for her that would give her the confidence to play the part and look the part that she thinks that people expect of her.

That of course made me curious…

Have any of you ever wished that you had a persona?

I know personally that I absolutely have. Actually, for a long time, I did. When I started off in my business and was less confident in my abilities, I would conjure up some idea of who I thought I was supposed to be, and how I thought I should act in my role. It definitely felt like a fake it ‘til you make it kind of situation until I gained more confidence.

To be perfectly honest, even today I had that urge to fall into that same old pattern. Who do people want to see today? Who do I need to be?

Well, you’re gettin’ ALL ME.

So I think the best place to start with this complicated topic is to define it. When you think about someone that is Authentic, you might come up with words like genuine, real, unique, credible, or honest.

Personally, my favorite definition of Authenticity is… being true to yourself in a way that represents your true nature or beliefs.

The dead giveaway that you ARE being 100% true to yourself is when you feel it in your gut, your soul, and your heart. It just feels super easy and totally right to be you.

We could say that this feeling is deeply rooted in your intuition.

And when you are not confident in showing up as your true self, it is so easy to ignore your intuition. Which then ends up in a vicious cycle where you can’t possibly be the real you and there may be times when you may not even recognize yourself anymore.

There’s a sneaky little trap that most of us fall into. When we don’t trust our instincts, we end up looking to other people to model our behaviors after – and we see that all over the socials, but we actually do this our entire lives.

Right from the start we are taught to act like someone else – we learn to walk by watching our parents, we get in trouble by following our siblings, we learn how to behave in school by watching the other kids AND then seeing their reactions to you.

They react positively and if they want to be our friends then hey, okay, let’s do more of that. If they point and laugh, we feel embarrassed, alone and retreat to the corner.

If we hang out for too long in a place where we constantly seek the approval of others, the problem is that we end up losing trust in our own abilities to be able to do things without guidance or to be able to figure stuff out on our own…especially if there are experiences that prove to us that we don’t make the right decisions, like saying the right things, wearing the right clothes, or hanging out with the right people.

We learn really early on that when we conform, we won’t stand out too much, so just doing what everyone else does gives us a sense of belonging (and really, that means comfort, safety, and security) which allows us to relate to others in a way that would be considered “acceptable”.

Copying what everyone else does is easy and safe but it also keeps us stuck in our comfort zone, which can be necessary at times, but this really stops you from growing into the truest expression of yourself…and in the end, we get stuck in the habit of defining ourselves and OUR PURPOSE by a bunch of labels like, where we live, what we have, how much we make, and what we do.

The question to think about in our quest to finding our Authentic selves is this…

What if you removed all the labels and expectations of behavior? Who would you be?

Think about that for a second.

And your reaction might be “Bah, I don’t know!”.

So instead of this is what I “DO” defined by all of your life roles, your experiences, or by all the people in your life, we can use an Authentic frame of THIS is who I AM. Think about that for a minute.

HOW YOU EXIST.

I heard someone say the other day…we are human “beings” not human “doings”.

So, who are you as a human being?

And first notice how that feels in your body, just from hearing that, what do you feel? Stop and close your eyes and really feel that for a minute, how does it feel different to think about how you exist rather than what you do? For me, it feels like a huge sense of calm and relief and I think, confidence.

So, are there some words that come up for you that could describe how you want to just ‘Be’? Take some time to write those down, all of them.

Some examples might be…

Be present

Be okay with not being perfect

Be confident in my own skin

Then once that list is done…pick 3 that you really want to focus on now and decide how you can incorporate them into every aspect of YOU and how you show up in your life and even on social media.

And last thing, if you’d like some more help to figure out how to reunite with the real you, visit HollyWallisCoaching.com, and let’s find a time to chat.

Thanks for following along this week, I hope you found this helpful and I’ll see you soon!

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